we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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