I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
even my farts smell like vagina
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never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
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I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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