Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm too high and old for this...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
