saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
