Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
