dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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