omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
