I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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