I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
