Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
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I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
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I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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