that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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