pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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