Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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