I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she told me i tasted like america
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
