Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
