So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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