Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
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Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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