it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
