1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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