Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
