when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
