Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
