I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
