For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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