and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
