It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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