I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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