I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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