you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
