It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
