If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
