..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
