he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
