I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
