if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I look better un-naked...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
