Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
