yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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