You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
