so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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