remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
