there's paper in my vomit.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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