I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
