just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
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I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
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Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex