Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.