I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.