I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
