so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My underwear smells like fireworks.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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