At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
