Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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