I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
