Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
