apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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