Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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