I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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