yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
