please come you make the beer taste better
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
