then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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