and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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