So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
