I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
