i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
