Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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