So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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