Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
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and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
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Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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